Lately, I’ve been playing a fair bit of Stick Arena. You can easily recognise me, I’m the guy BRINGING THE PAIN.

AAAAH YEAAAHH. Everywhere I go, mortals cower in fear. I can’t go into the lobby anymore without people going “OMG! Bart, you’re my hero! I saw the Youtube clip of your match against donkey_boner441! Man, that wall sniping thing was evil! I practice eight hours a day, just so I can be like you! Also, I’m newly single and looking…here are my details.”

Though seriously, a 1.5 kill/death average isn’t that impressive, especially if you use dubious tricks like only playing in Quick Start games. It’s easy to rack up kills when you’re playing against newbies.

My tactic is to use the AK47 and shotgun exclusively, only picking up the other weapons when there’s nothing else available. Although melee is quite effective on maps like Concrete Jungle. Also, if you have a choice between fighting a strong guy and a weak guy, always pick the strong guy, because you can always mop up the weak guy afterwards.

I first started playing in about 2006. What appealed to me about the game was its accessibility and speed. You click “Quick Start”, and in five seconds you’re there in an auto-generated account, playing against actual humans. It’s like Counter Strike meets solitaire.

The free, anonymous nature of the game means it has a lot of hackers, unfortunately. If you enter a game and there’s a guy with 14 kills and zero deaths, quit and find another game. Don’t waste a single second of your time. Don’t try to get them booted, it won’t work.

Actually, the main reason I’m posting this is because of something I saw in the lobby a few days back (look at the games list):

Someone actually titled their game Quick Fart. I tried to join but it was full. Damn. Should have known.

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