I was at the gym and I thought “this is the day I bench press 210 pounds.” It was hard to explain but I felt psychologically ready. Like there was a dude inside me already benching that amount and he was trying to come out. Feels gay typing that. Anyway…

I had 150lb on the bar and I did 10 reps. Then I added a pair of 10′s to the bar and did 7 or 8 reps of 170lb. Then I added two more and got about three reps of 190lb. I thought “okay, I’m ready! Two wheel club, here I come!”

I loaded up the 10lb bar with a pair of 50′s on each side, lifted it out of the rack, brought it down to my chest, and I couldn’t get it back up again. I was stuck. My chest and lats had turned to jelly and I couldn’t lift the 210 bar off my sternum. I called out “hey, can someone get this off me?” I heard “coming!” and the sound of approaching footsteps.

My knight in shining armour proved to be a 70-year-old gent with a mother-in-law complex. I was expecting him to lift the bar off my chest (it doesn’t take much, he could have saved me using by pressing two fingers against the bottom of the bar) but he didn’t help me. He just stood there, talking about all the things I had done wrong and how I shouldn’t lift more than I can handle, etc. This must have gone on for 20 seconds. I was in serious pain, and yelled “GET THIS BAR OFF MY CHEST!” but that stupid asshole just stood there, giving me a lecture on gym safety.

Eventually, I saved myself. I rolled my trunk from left to right, sending the weights flying off the bar (tip: never use safety collars when bench pressing). He was like “woah! Woah! Are you okay?!” I guess he thought I had done it unintentionally. I stood up, and was very, very sarcastic to him. If that it had been 420 instead of 210, I’d probably be in hospital now thanks to that retard.

But still, I guess the adrenaline had positive effects because I went on to do a very good chest workout. That was four days ago and it’s still very painful to extend my arms to my sides. The dude benching 210 inside me is now under house arrest for perjury.