This is unrelated, but you know the story of Alexander cutting the Gordian knot? History’s most famous example of solving a problem with lateral thinking? It occurred to me that the Phrygians missed a slam dunk. “A true king must be able to create as well as destroy. Retie the knot.”

Anyway, I got in trouble with the police last week for driving in a breakdown lane. An officer pulled me over, and wrote me a ticket. I enacted the usual defensive maneuvers one performs when faced with a police officer (“yes, sir, I understand, sir, thank you, sir, I was wrong, sir, I’m a horrible criminal, sir, you’ve turned my life around, sir, I’ll never do it again, sir, your divine presence has cured my tumor, sir”) and he fined me $201. Now, that’s not so bad. I was worried I’d have my license suspended.

I went online yesterday to pay the fine…and it tells me I owe $251. Damn it guys, what gives?! I have it clearly written here on my notice that I owe $201. I know donuts are expensive these days, but this is just lame.

I tried to phone them but the state debt recovery office was closed. I’m going to call them again today, and I took advantage of the time to write some one-liners. Samples include “I have your exorbitant fine right here” and “it’s funny that you’re doing this because your daughter also raised the price by $50 when she sold me her virginity.”

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